How to Stop Getting Upset About Most Things
A week ago, I lost a few minutes at a gas station — through no fault of my own, but because of another driver.
I cursed him silently and blamed him for making me late.
Fifteen minutes later, I drove past a car crash.
It had clearly happened just minutes before.
Thankfully, no one seemed seriously injured, but the sight of crumpled fenders and torn-off bumpers was terrifying.
And I thought: if I hadn’t been delayed, maybe I would have been part of that twisted pile of metal.
Maybe I should thank that driver instead.
When someone we like doesn’t like us back, we get upset. But maybe, if things had gone differently, we would’ve ended up in a painful, toxic relationship.
When we don’t get the job we wanted, we feel disappointed. But maybe, if we had gotten it, it would’ve destroyed our career.
When life doesn’t go the way we hoped, we usually feel frustrated.
But the odds of a “bad” outcome are just as high as those of a “good” one.
And when something goes “wrong,” we might have just as much to be thankful for as to complain about.
Of course, there are moments when grief is real and justified —
the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, a humanitarian disaster.
But in 95% of cases, our frustrations don’t make much sense.
We simply don’t know — maybe what just happened actually saved us from something much worse.
When I shared this thought with a friend, he reminded me of an old Chinese parable I had long forgotten.
One we should probably recall more often:
The Parable of the Chinese Farmer
Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away.
That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate.
They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.”
The farmer simply said, “Maybe.”
The next day, the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it.
And in the evening, everybody came back and said,
“Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events!”
And the farmer again said, “Maybe.”
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown off, and broke his leg.
The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”
The next day, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army.
Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by.
The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out,
and the farmer said, once again, “Maybe.”